Sunday, November 29, 2009

Views From A Hill

As I walk up the steep hill, I wonder for the umpteenth time why I’m doing it. The day is cold and wet, and I've seen the view from the top many times.

And frankly, I’m out of shape.

But when I awoke late this morning, the thought was in my head; climb the hill. It was quite insistent.

A view from an earlier visit. Or is it from a later visit?I’m a creature of whims. I don’t always understand my less rational impulses, but it usually pays to follow them; my brain usually has something in mind.

Good afternoon! shouts a cheery voice. I look further up the path and see a tall, slim gent enjoying the view from a small plateau some fifty feet below the top of the hill. Typical. This hill probably has an average of zero visitors per week, and I have the bad luck to run into somebody.

It occurs to me that my social skills need some work.

Hello there! I shout back, waving, as I trudge up toward him, mud and leaves squishing underfoot. My first thought if him as a gent bears some explanation. The man has a distinguished air about him, and is well dressed. But somehow he looks old-fashioned. Out of place. Perhaps it’s the waxed, greying moustache? Or the tweeds?

It takes all sorts, I suppose.

As I reach the plateau, a little out of breath, he takes a few unhurried step towards me, and unexpectedly takes and shakes my hand. He smiles enthusiastically. I’m quite taken aback.

Please excuse me, but it's a pleasure to meet you.

I’m about to reply to this when he introduces himself in a serious tone.

My name is Roth. Abednigo Roth.

He raises an eyebrow, clearly expecting a response. I don’t keep him waiting, though I feel like I’m wading out of my depth.

And my name’s Roth. Indigo Roth. Are we...? waving a finger repeatedly between us. He grins more roguishly than I’d expect of him. Yep, he’s a Roth. I wonder if he’s from Uncle Jericho’s branch of the family. They’re all rather eccentric, and this man’s clothes suggest he may be King Canute on the beach of fashion, angrily facing the approaching waves.

I should say so. You have many questions, no doubt. Perhaps it would be quicker of me to ask you a simple question, and let you catch up on your own. You’re seem a bright enough fella! He slaps me on the arm, and then turns to wave expansively at the landscape below us. He asks his question.

What do you think of my view?

His view? Well, it’s pleasant enough, I start to say, casting my gaze down the hill and towards the horizon, but it’s…

My voice trails off.

The view is wrong.

Is there something wrong, Indigo?

I glance his way; yes, he knows there damned well is. I take a few steps forward and take it all in. I recognise the land, but it’s different. There’s a nearby church that I don't remember. The main road that blights the beauty of the view that I am familiar with is missing. As is a nearby town. Smoke rises from a smattering of cottages. There’s a serenity about it all.

This doesn’t feel like a dream, I mutter uncertainly, wondering if I've conjured Abednigo from the depths of my memory.

Quite so, not a dream! says my companion, giving my thoughts some room to move.

Then... when are we? I ask, convinced I’ve somehow shifted in time.

Oh, it’s definitely today, he chuckles, stepping up beside me. And the ground you stand upon is from the same day you woke into this morning. But this view, he says, pointing vaguely towards the church and cottages, is 1905. My 1905.

Well, that explains his clothes.

So you’re a distant relative. Well, ancestor. I instantly forget this as I theorise, It’s something to do with the hill, right? There’s something special about it, I’ve always thought so.

Abednigo nods, seemingly pleased that I’m putting the pieces together.

Yes, the hill. This lovely, wooded, haunted hill. He pulls his jacket more closely about him. Alberto explained it to me once - that's Alberto Roth, he's a physicist from 1935 - but it was a little beyond me. The gist of it is that the hill is special. To our family. Apparently, to us all this is... Common Ground?

I consider this; it sounds true. He continues.

And today you’re sharing my view. On another day, perhaps I might share yours.

I take in the vista with a touch of envy.

Your view is nicer. Gentler. From a simpler time. Things move along a little too quickly in my time.

Which is when, may I ask? he inquires, patiently.

Excuse me, I should have said. 2009.

He nods, unsurprised, and picks up his train of thought again. He shrugs reflectively.

Progress always seems swift. Technology makes for Change. Change is difficult, uncertain, worrying. We naturally wonder what our futures will bring.

Silence falls over the scene. The sun starts its march to the horizon; the sky has a hint of pink and purple about it. He continues to voice his thoughts.

In my time, we work for companies that constantly demand more for less. We are insignificant cogs in increasingly larger and colder machines. There are more people in the world than ever before, but we inexplicably feel isolated. Governments levy taxes to pay for wars in distant lands we’ve never seen. We cure diseases that would have killed our ancestors, but discover new ones. We travel the globe and yet view visitors to our own land with suspicion, fearing an erosion of our national identity. And both old and new vices and addictions run unchecked.

He gestures in frustration.

Will we ever evolve from this sad state of affairs?

I suppose this is all rhetorical, but I shake my head; I’m genuinely surprised at his view of my past.

It’s the same in my time.

He looks to the horizon, gathering his thoughts. So perhaps Change is not such a dominant and destructive force as we all fear? And with that, he seems to brighten. And perhaps the future is not such a terrifying place?

I laugh. You sound like my blog.

He cocks his head. I don’t understand. Your blog?

I search for the words I need. I write about things and record them in a special log. I write about my experiences, my encounters, the people I know, the adventures I have. Sometimes they are entertaining, sometimes they are serious.

He leans in a little, rumbling, I’d wager there may be more than a hint of fancy about them?

I look at him sideways and admit shiftily, Well, sometimes. We both laugh. Anyway, technology enables me to instantly share my log with people far away. Words, pictures, sounds.

He nods appreciatively, fascinated.

That sounds ingenious. I also write for a living, but I must rely on the technology of my era to carry the message to others. Newspapers. Gazettes. Letters. I have many correspondents. Something of a following, you might say. he adds, blushing. Then, in a mock hushed voice, he confesses, I suspect that I may have written an occasional fanciful piece myself.

I laugh again, and bow slightly. Then I consider myself to be in esteemed company! He waves this faux flattery aside with good nature.

We fall silent and turn back to the sunset. Lights are coming on in the cottages.

After a while, Abednigo marvels quietly to himself, Less than a century from now. Technology to carry one’s writings instantly to the furthest corners of the Empire.

I decide to keep my own counsel about the Empire.

He checks his pocket watch. It's a beauty.

Well, Indigo, it’s been a pleasure. But I must be away. He offers his hand. I hope we’ll meet again on another day?

I accept his hand and ask, Will it still be today?

Oh, I expect so. Suddenly, he points down the track. Look! It seems you have company.

There is a teenage boy heading up the path. His clothes and shoes are made from unfamiliar materials, and there are what I can only describe as gadgets in the air about him. Lights pulse and blink.

I don’t recognise the technology, but it looks cool.

Abednigo slaps me on the back and - suddenly - the scene shifts. My view from the hill has returned; the road, the town, no church. It is sometime in early afternoon. Abednigo is gone.

The lad trudges wearily up the track towards me.

Good afternoon! I shout cheerily. He looks in my direction and a look of disappointment and annoyance passes briefly across his face. But he seems to reach a decision and waves.

Ho there! He shouts back, and plods up to the plateau, mud and leaves squishing under his feet. As he approaches, he looks at me strangely, perhaps trying to get the measure of me. He fiddles with a gadget and after a moment, finds the information he's looking for. He looks surprised.

I step forward and take and shake his hand. I’m about to introduce myself, but he confidently beats me to the punch.

My name’s Roth. Django Roth. He regards me with a mix of suspicion and fascination, adding, And you're Indigo. Which makes no sense whatsoever.

I wave expansively at the landscape below us, and ask the only question that seems appropriate.

What do you think of my view?


Indigo

This entry was inspired by the M. R. James tale A View From A Hill, and almost certainly by listening to The Beatles' Fool On The Hill.

This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2009

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Drooling Across The Miles

Today, I don't get to play with my American friends.

In England, there is no Thanksgiving.

But I was raised well, and find there's plenty to be thankful for:

My family.
My friends.
My health.
My job (in these uncertain times).
Domino's Mighty Meaty with jalapeƱos and double sauce, hold the onions. Large, for preference.

I am also very thankful for all the support I have received at this not-so-humble blog since I started in May. We're an insecure lot, us bloggers. Or maybe it's just me? I couldn't do it without an audience and an occasional slap on the back.

So thanks to every last one of you.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving dinners. I am very jealous.

I shall sit by my window, and dream of Turkey.

Sunset in Istanbul, Turkey

Indigo

This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2009

Monday, November 23, 2009

Striving Round In Circles

I need to take a deep breath.

I have a little more cash than I did when I woke up this morning.

A big chunk o' change, all used notes with mixed serial numbers. Nice.Okay, it's not quite that much. No, it's not payday. And NO, I've not been selling my body; I missed my gigolo calling in my youth, and now that I’m past forty I'm better qualified as a friend than as a source of horizontal delight.

All I did was a bit of overdue recycling.

I live alone (apart from the lion, obviously) in a rented room. This forces me to remain aware of my personal belongings; the more physical things I own, the more effort it is to keep my personal space tidy.

And right now, my personal space is untidy.

This makes me unhappy.

Luckily, when my stress levels rise, I tidy automatically; it’s an attempt to impose order on chaos, which I find calming. But tidying is an activity with diminuishing returns. Eventually, I have to reduce the number of things in the room.

So today I sorted out some entertainment platform items: a Wii Fit board and the software for it; two recent PS3 games, unfinished but unlikely to be; an XBox game, again unfinished; a brand new Nintendo DS game which was annoying the hell out of me; a few old DVD movies that I have replaced on BluRay; and a pair of BluRay movies, watched and enjoyed but unlikely to be rewatched.

All of these have value now (especially before Christmas) that will decrease over time, so as I don’t want them why not sell them now? It frees up space and creates money to buy the things I do want.

The recycling of possessions in its most efficient form?

If I don’t recycle my belongings - out with the old in with the new - all they do is clutter the shelves, my wardrobe, and under the bed. Worse yet, it bothers me when there's stuff I own that is neither useful nor lovely. I apologise if that sounds a bit snooty, but I’m not a hoarder by nature*; if I don't need it, I don't want it.

[*Okay, so there’s a box of clothes in the wardrobe I’ve been meaning to recycle to charity for ages, but that’s on my To-Do list.]

Anyway, I took it all in a very strong bag down to the videogame store in town.

A hundred pounds sterling! said the friendly chap behind the counter*. That's about a hundred and sixty bucks. I was aware that it wasn’t as much as I could get for them on eBay, but selling to the local store is fast and final and I can get on with the next thing.

[* Actually, he didn't say sterling; I've added that so as not to confuse folk overseas who might confuse my money with my paunch.]

Thank you very much! I replied and off I went, happy with the round and very tidy number.

Right now, the cash is currently sitting in my back pocket, whispering of new diversions that it might pay for. They sound fun.

And boy, look at all that empty space on the shelf.

Maybe I should go shopping?


Indigo

This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2009



Captain's Blog - Supplemental

Well, I'm delighted to say that a brace of awards were tossed my way this week. As ever, I'll pop this in a Bonus Scene for today's blog. If awards entries aren't your thing, feel free to slip away; may I heartily recommend yesterday's Apocalyptic entry? I'm very proud of the drawings.

Still here? Ok. First off, KaLynn over at Kacklin' With KaLynn handed me the Kalynn Kackled Award.

KALYNN KACKLED AWARD, from KaLynnI'm not sure if it relates to a particular entry or is just general, but either way I'm chuffed to bits. Thanks KaLynn! I don't have to pass this one on, but I want to. So, the next blog entry that makes me howl will be the recipient of this purple people pleaser.

Second, Matthew over at AbodeOneThree was kind enough to push the Best Blog Award my way.

BEST BLOG AWARD, from MatthewI guess this award's name defies deconstruction, but I'm very pleased to be accept this one from Matthew; he's one of my favourite bloggers.

Again, Matthew's award does not require me to do anything, but I'm encouraged to pass it onto a new blogger. So, I'll carefully wrap it up and lob it at Robbie over at The Thought Bubbles Of Robbie Munn. Robbie's blogging style is eclectic, and I like that sort of thing. I particularly enjoyed his Geek Vs Nerd from October. Anyway, I hope this award spurs him onto greater things. More entries please, ya big geek!

Okay, that was therapeutic. Thanks for sharing the love, people!

See you all soon,

Indigo

This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2009

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Most Definitely Not Canon

Sorry, you can’t come in.

The figure barring my way is tall and broad. His all-white tuxedo is impressive. As I stand there dumbly, he glances down at me.

Did you hear me, sunshine? I said you can’t come in.

I never imagined coming here, but now I am here, this comes as a surprise. Actually, I'm annoyed.

What do you mean, I can’t come in?

It’s perfectly simple. He glances at me meaningfully. Which bit didn’t you understand?

This isn’t quite what I expected at the Gates of Heaven. Mind you, I’m surprised that I’m even here at all. I’ve had my doubts.

Are you certain? I ask, I’m pretty sure I have an appointment with your boss.

St. Peter checks his clipboard as he stands behind the white rope.

Nope. You’re not on The List.

He squares his shoulders and stands with his hands together in front of him. His eyes stare into the distance. He is officially Ignoring Me.

Look, I didn’t ask to come here, I object waving expansively, I didn’t choose. Yet here I am.

He sighs without looking my way.

Not my problem, pal. Not on The List, No Entry. Simple.

I tilt the top of his clipboard down.

Oi! Pack that in! he growls at me, snatching it back. But it’s too late; I’ve seen the page.

But the paper is empty! There’s nobody on The List!

The saint does a thing with his neck that makes it crack noisily.

Right. Nobody. He pokes me in the chest, Which includes you, see?

I step back. So nobody’s going into Heaven today?

Right. Important day, everyone’s busy.

What’s going on? My curiosity still seems to be working.

He resumes his thousand yard stare and says nothing.

Oh, for god’s sake, what’s going on?

I regret the words as they spill out. His glance whips my way, his voice low but somehow a roar.

Mind your mouth, boy. You won’t blaspheme your way in.

Excuse me, sorry. I gather my nerve, and appeal quietly, Please. Tell me what’s going on.

It’s the End of Time.

What?!

End. Of. Time.

I consider this for a moment, not entirely selflessly. Wow, I guess I did live forever.

He addresss me coolly, disapprovingly.

You’re an author. Of course you do. But today is The End. He puffs his chest out proudly. The Boys are Riding Out.

I consider this for a moment before the penny drops.

The Horsemen Of The Apocalypse? They’re going to Ride Out through the Gate?

Yep. A few minutes time. He pauses. Well, walk out, he adds shiftily. He seems uncomfortable with this topic suddenly. Insurance problem. Health and Safety. He shrugs. You know how it is.

I nod sadly. I look around behind me and then back to St. Peter.

So, is that why nobody’s coming in?

He grunts his assent. Smart lad.

Wow. The words seem inadequate. War, Famine, Pestilence and Death will be here any minute. I absently wish I’d brought my camera.

St. Peter's stance shifts uncomfortably.

Well, no. Times change. The world has imagined greater perils since the old days. These guys are something new. Not tried before. He leans in conspiratorially, and says is a hushed voice, Between you and me, they give me the willies. Nothing will stand before them.

Well, who are they?!

Behind St. Peter, the Gates of Heaven open to the sound of an awesome Heavenly choir. I suppose I should have seen that coming.

See for yourself. He unclips the white rope to allow four figures through, and snaps off a salute. They don’t even grace him with a glance. Embarrassed at himself, he jostles me back. Come on, stand back! Give the gentlemen some room!

[Apologies for the sketch. Like I said, no camera. Click the picture for a better view.]

Definitely not Old SchoolAs they stroll past, St. Peter points to the young logo'd dude humming away to himself.

Conformity is the end of Imagination. The end of Creativity. The death of Human Endeavour.

A scruffy figure passes us.

Apathy is the end of Pride. The end of Ambition. The end of Questions. The death of Resistance.

A leather-clad youth swaggers past. He gives us the bird.

Impunity is the end of Fear. The end of Respect. The death of Order.

I whisper to my companion, So which one used to be called Death?

He points to the final figure, a short consultant in an expensive suit.

Process. He was Bureaucracy for a while, but I guess the pay was better. Process is the end of Common Sense. The end of Freewill. The death of Justice. He’ll get the job done. Very thorough.

The four stride out into the aether as the choir reaches its climax. There’s a moment of speed and a quartet of lightforms jet off to the four corners of existence.

Then. Silence.

The doorman wipes a happy tear away.

All sinners are Toast.

I glance past St. Peter towards the open Gate. It’ll be better in there than out here. I nudge the bouncer and point to it amiably.

So, can I go in now? He looks at me, puzzled. It’s as if he’s forgetten where he is for a moment. I add helpfully, Time has ended. The Horsemen have Ridden Out. All bets are off now, right?

St. Peter considers this. His features soften, his bouncer's bluster passes into memory.

Have you led a good life?

I’ve tried. Didn’t always manage it. I reflect for a moment and add, But I regret the things I screwed up.

He nods. I’m told I have an honest face. I’ve always believed that’s the point.

I hesitate for a moment, uncertain.

Does the boss know about that time...? my voice tails off.

I think you’ll find He knows Everything.

I don’t think I regretted that one. In my heart.

He looks into me, his gaze intense and constant. His eyes refect the secrets of the universe. When he speaks, his voice calls from the distant reaches of time.

You did a good thing, lad. Let it go.

I glance at the Gate again. So may I go in?

He sweeps his arms wide in welcome. Yes.

I step towards him and we shake hands.

‘Til next time. I say, raising an eyebrow.

He nods and smiles.

Yes, of course. ‘Til next time.

And with that, I walk through the Gates and into Light.


Indigo

This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2009

Sunday, November 15, 2009

The Music Of The Spheres

Today, I shall attempt the impossible.

A blog entry in an hour.

Yes, not content with creating strange new worlds and life forms that even Captain Kirk would have steered clear of, I now crave a little simplicity. The most basic of things, and the hardest to achieve.

So, without so much as a flourish, but hopefully with a nice picture, I just wanted to relate something that happened last night. I'm even going to abandon my usual first person present narration to save time. Yes, writing in the past tense is much easier.

And I promise, no internal voices. No men in sacks. And no bears.

A medieval woodcut, artist unknown. This seemed to fit my mood and the sentiment of the piece. Don't ask me why.In the wee hours of this morning, I awoke from a deep sleep. There was music. I checked the clock, and was puzzled. I live in a semi-detached house* and occasionally hear the neighbours. But they have kids, and so after early evening I rarely hear a peep out of them.

[* perhaps this is a British term. My house is half of a larger building. I share an internal wall with the neighbours. Sorry, I've no idea what your equivalent term is, but you get the picture.]

I dismissed the tune as a hangover from my dream, expecting it to clear in a few moments. I flipped over and tried to get back to sleep. But still, the music. A steady slow beat, some rhythm on top, and a faint, dreamy melody.

I sat up in bed, still half awake at best. Where the hell was it coming from? I realised it must have been pretty loud, because I wear very efficient earplugs in bed; I live on a busy road and it can get lively with traffic and partygoers heading home at the weekend. Also, the window was closed, and a fairly noisy fan was on.

I tried to fish my earplugs out, but they were far too deep in my ear to snag, and I was in no mood for a middle-of-the-night search for tweezers. I got out of bed and looked out of the window. Nothing in the street. I even opened the window and craned my neck round to look at the neighbour's place. Dark and dead. Up and down the street, no evidence of a party presented itself.

I shut the window and went back to bed.

The music was fainter now, but I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned in bed, and eventually ended up with my hand on my chest. Suddenly, I realised my heartbeat was in time with the beat of the music. A curious coincidence? After a minute or so, I was still beating in perfect time.

An odd idea gripped me, some vague memory of a physics lesson at school. Something to do with beats occurring when two different frequencies were played against each other? I got out of bed, and switched the fan off. The rhythm ceased immediately, and after a few seconds the melody died.

Just the steady beat of my heart remained.

It all fell into place. The entrenched earplugs had amplified the sound of my heart to provide the bass. The interference thrumming from the fan caused the rhythm on top of it. And hearing something resembling music, my sleepy brain unconsciously added a simple melody on top.

Organic and mechanical sounds, and a bit of help from my subconscious mind as it attempted to impose order on chaos.

Something emergent.

Music from thin air.

I found a bit of paper and scribbled Music of the Spheres on it. A contented sleep quickly followed.

And that's as simple a way as I can tell the tale.


Indigo

This blog entry took fifty three minutes, in case you were wondering.
This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2009

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Intervention In Aisle Three

I stroll into the late-night supermarket just after ten. I'm tired and hungry, but it's too late to entertain the thought of ordering out for pizza. Well, too late to entertain it with anything other than a side order of indigestion.

So I'm thinking about beans on toast. I picture the contents of the cupboard at home and decide that all I need is the beans. Yes, just beans. And bread. Beans and bread, that's all. I must have everything else.

Two minute job, I'll be home in ten.

There's no need for a basket, so I stride off towards the canned goods. Aisle three. Peas, sweetcorn, tomatoes, aha! I lift a fourpack of beans. One down, one to go. I wonder absently which aisle the bread's in. As I'm looking around...

All hail Roth! wails a chorus of voices.

I turn to see three women heading my way. They are short, old and dressed in rags. My modern sensibility hesitates to pigeonhole them as crones, but it's the only word I can think of that fits. They have the bent noses, the warts, the crenellated teeth.

My heart sinks. I am often accosted by drunks in the town centre, and this scene has a similar feel about it. They gesticulate dramatically. Yep, this is very familiar.

All hail Roth, lord of pizza! proclaims the first hoarsely. Well, that's a surprise. And a direct hit! I hope it's just a lucky guess; I have a vision of them rummaging through my trash while I'm asleep.

All hail Roth, prince of surreality! declares the second. I'm not sure that's even a word. There's a sliver of truth in it though, even if it's only an aspiration. But how do they know my name? I peer closer, expecting to discover friends behind theatrical makeup. Nope, no such luck.

All hail Roth, you shall be king of blogging hereafter! says the third, pointing straight at me. What? The trio fall silent. Their exclamations roll around the store like thunder. I collect my thoughts and try to give voice to them.

You what?

Shakespeare would have been proud of that one.

You shall be king, Roth, king of the realm of blogs! repeats the first.

Aye, you are poised for greatness! enthuses the second.

Well, with a few editorial changes... mutters the third.

The first two hurriedly sshh the third while holding my gaze. To their credit, there's barely a pause before they resume waving and wailing.

Editorial changes? I interrupt, hopping onto the hook while not allowing my curiosity to skewer me on it.

Your talent is the key, Roth! The key to the kingdom! explains the first, somewhat cryptically.

You must embrace the greatest aspects of all blogs to gain the love of your subjects! expands the second.

Exactly! Weird and occasionally funny just isn't cutting it! accuses the third. There's a wonderful moment of derailment, and a sense that she's being more direct than the script requires. But I respect directness when exercised without malice. I try some reflective listening on them.

So you're saying I could expand my readership with a broader repertoire?

They chorus their assent noisly, and I ride their enthusiastic wave, curious to see where they're going with it.

More personal history, perhaps? Must I bear my soul?

The first points and hisses in disbelief, Already he sees the wisdom of our words! I'm wary of this. On the rare occasions where I write emotionally, I'm left drained for days and I have the nagging sense that I've washed my smalls in public.

More exposition about my daily routines and encounters?

The second joins the first and exclaims, Already he seeks the path from Journeyman to Everyman! I try to do this too, though I tend to dress up dry events with colourful characters and internal voices. I always enjoy these entries the most, though I often wonder if anyone questions my sanity.

Must I take to the pulpit and evangelise my beliefs?

The third coughs, and takes a can of peanuts from an adjacent shelf. She pops it open and chews on a few reflectively. Nope, I'd stick with the funny photos if I were you.

You like those? They take hours! I say, somewhat wearily.

Heh. But they're worth it, she assures me, adding quietly, Nixon was a scream.

Her two sisters have fallen silent. We're obviously off the page. They look uncertainly towards me to continue the scene.

Ladies, I hear your wisdom. There are so many things I could do to get more readers. But all I'm trying to do is write quirky and amusing stuff, and for now I am comfortable with that. I'll get where I'm going as myself, else I'll not get there at all. This sounds both profound and pretentious, though neither was intended.

Self confidence is a powerful thing, observes the third. It'll get you most places, given time.

The smartest thing I can do is read more, comment more, make more friends. And after a moment I confide in a whisper, I've never really had the knack of that.

They sigh and nod in silent agreement. Number three continues to eat her peanuts, but her two sisters look deflated, wretched even; I feel awful.

I do have one question for you, though, I add, tossing them a bone.

Speak, lord, and we shall answer! proclaims the first.

Aye! We have the Knowledge of The Ages at our fingertips! boasts the second.

Do you know where the bread is?

Somewhere in the distance, a dog barks.

They huddle together and hiss and whisper amongst themselves. As they break, two strike up new poses, but their heart isn't in it. The third addresses me.

Aisle three, next to the eggs. They moved it again, she shrugs.

Well, that explains why I couldn't find it, I grumble. Then, remembering my manners, I add, Thank you.

You're welcome. By the way, you're out of butter, she says. And beans on toast sucks without butter.

I picture the fridge. Dammit, she's right.

Aisle six.

I nod and salute absently as the three turn away and shuffle towards the main doors.

I told you we should have gone with king of pizzas! says the first, her voice heavy with accusation. We'd have had the little schmuck on the hook straight away! CEO of Domino's in five years!

You're kidding! counters the second, He needs to lose a few pounds! Then a few more! she adds, giggling. The first sister joins her and it rises into a theatrical cackle. The third scowls at them.

Oh, leave the lad be, he's doing ok!

And she winks over her shoulder at me.

Smiling, I head off in search of bread and butter.

Beans on toast is not pizza, but it'll do.


Indigo

This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2009

Sunday, November 08, 2009

Concealing A Multitude Of Sins

Hi, my name's Indigo. I like to wear a suit and tie when I'm at work.

Fractal background is copyright © Nathan Smith, from www.irishviews.com/fractal-art.html. Necktie and waistcoat by Charles Tyrwhitt of LondonThere are times when making this simple statement feels like some kind of cathartic confession at an AA meeting. And it is often viewed with the same kind of alarm and suspicion by observers.

Suit? Necktie? In this day and age?
Why on Earth do you wear a suit to work?!
But you work in software development, don't you?
I thought coders did well to put on two matching shoes!

And it's true. Well, bits of it anyway. I do work in software development, and even though it is for a big corporation, there is a very relaxed vibe about business dress. Most folk wear jeans, trainers, t-shirts, cardigans, and that's what's expected of us*. In fact, when a very senior manager from the States came over recently and witnessed a few folks in suits (he wasn't wearing one, may I say), he proceeded to give them a hard time all day.

[* I couldn't possibly comment about the matching shoes.]

Anyway, in general I buck the trend. The reasons for this are many and varied, but the simplest and most honest is that I like to wear a necktie. I can sense some frowns and questions:

Fashion statement? Nope, that's not me. I never read GQ.
Personal statement? Probably. Mine are simple yet striking.
Vanity? Well, yes, more than likely. I like a splash of colour!

Even in suit-wearing organisations, the humble tie has become somewhat passƩ. Many of you that work in smart offices may have noticed the open-collar-and-tanktop-under-suit-jacket chic that senior managers have drifted into.

That's not for me though; I like to wear a waistcoat.

Yes, my fashion grave just keeps getting deeper.

However, the reasons for the waistcoat are pragmatic. I'm a bit overweight and prefer to wear braces to keep my trousers from wandering south*. Plus I'm tall, and making a decent windsor knot on a tie leaves it looking short. So, a waistcoat can conceal a multitude of sins, and looks smart into the bargain.

[* Truth is not always the same as Beauty.]

However, a curious thing has happened to me in recent weeks. The summer was too hot and humid for me to enjoy wearing a suit, so I reverted for a month back to the more relaxed jeans-and-a-T-shirt (two bits!) option. This was far more comfortable, but I was looking forward to cooler weather. So, when the chilly autumn days arrived in Spades a few weeks ago, I donned the suit again. It was nice, and few folks even commented on me looking smart again.

But I also observed a whole bunch of curious things. People spoke to me more. Women smiled at me more. More doors were held open for me. People listened more closely when I spoke in meetings. Even odder, my opinion seemed to carry more weight. The folks working for the site services agency struck up conversations with me to explain their activities if they were nearby. And I swear one of them, perhaps an ex-serviceman, even saluted me (without irony) as he went about his business one afternoon.

I put all this down to some psychological effect of the suit and tie. But when I mentioned it to a friend at the office he disagreed.

It's not people reacting differently to you in the suit, he said. It's the fact that you act differently when you wear the suit.

I was quite taken aback by this, thinking it unconsciously turned me into some hard-nosed business type who trampled the office and its unworthy denizens beneath his shiny boots.

But again, my friend disagreed.

You are more confident, he explained, and people are reacting to that confidence.

Who would have thought it? There was a positive psychological effect of the suit and tie. But it was affecting me.

So, while manners maketh the man, it turns out a decent suit and tie can run a close second.

Please excuse me, I'm gonna go surf for some more ties.


Indigo

This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2009

The fractal background in the photo of Indigo is from Irish View's Fractal Art and is protected by copyright © Nathan Smith, 2009

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Growling Up The Wrong Tree

I’m fuming as I carry the tray of food away from the counter.

Sorry I was so long, I growl, forgetting that the huge black bear waiting for me at the table won’t be the least bit impressed with my best effort at growling. They had no food ready. At dinner time! I slam the tray down. It's bloody ridiculous!

And I thought I was the one with the sore head, says Bear without a hint of irony.

I throw myself into my seat.

I tore a strip off the fella serving, I add gruffly.

Uh huh, Bear grunts, not meeting my eye.

You heard all that? I ask, pausing as I arrange our food in front of us. The adrenaline is still in my veins, but it’s cooling a little. Bear lifts his wrapped burger from the tray and sniffs at it. His look speaks of approval. Approval of the burger, anyway. There were a few folk outside that didn’t, maybe? he offers dryly as he looks for the edge of the wrapper on the round, heavy, white bundle. We had to travel a long way to buy this; not many of these franchises serve the four-pounder Über-Mac.

Ten seconds later, Bear still hasn't found his way into the burger.

Want me to help unwrapping that? I ask as I hesitantly start to eat.

Nope, he grunts, and suddenly finesses the greaseproof paper onto the table with a flourish of claws. The well-stuffed burger spins once in the air and performs a perfect three-point landing onto the shiny white square. He looks sideways at me and adds, But I appreciate your courtesy.

The comment hangs in the air. He waits for my inevitable justification.

Dammit, Bear, they didn’t have any food ready! I hiss. It’s infuriating! You know what time it is?

Time for your dinner, maybe? Did you eat today? He frowns. You seem tense.

He throws a glance my way as he makes his way into his mighty meal. I try to count to ten before answering. It’s difficult.

Not since breakfast, I concede. It hasn’t occurred to me that I’m hungry, which never does my mood any good.

Bad day? my ursine companion slurps past his straw. I had no idea they still serve rootbeer here. My sigh is long and weary. I close my eyes.

Not great. Moved desks at the office, everything was broken ‘til after lunch, though lunch never happened. Then once it all did work, it was meetings, meetings, meetings.

Sounds frustrating, he nods, tucking the last of the burger away with a gulp. I hate it when he does this; agreeing, empathising, steering the conversation, unravelling my mood a thread at a time.

Yeah it was. Having to wait for this dinner was the final straw.

He flips fries into his mouth absently and stares out of the window. He’s waiting. He’s insanely patient.

I should go apologise.

The black bear shrugs. This guy’s just doing his job. It doesn’t matter if he cleans toilets, teaches kids, flies aeroplanes, fights for Queen and Country or flips burgers. He does his job, he gets paid. You might not think much of him or what he does, but he works for his living, same as you. He deserves your respect.

His look does not invite disagreement. It’s not needed; I know he’s right.

Yes. Quite so. Sorry.

What are you apologising to me for, you schmuck? he growls. His growl is way better than mine.

I sigh again. I feel stupid being lectured on etiquette by someone who shits in the woods.

He leans closer. You do it in your house, he counters, poking me gently with a razor sharp claw. Now, that just sounds unhygienic.

There’s a moment’s silence and then we both laugh. It feels good.

Back in a moment, I mutter. I pretend not to notice him helping himself to my burger as I turn from the table and head back towards the counter.

When I return, Bear raises an inquisitive eyebrow. My burger is gone. I let it go.

Well, I apologised, I say, but he didn’t seem impressed.

You expect him to be grateful that you realised you were an arse?

We... sort of. But I guess... Well, no, I suppose not, I mutter feebly.

He wipes his muzzle with a napkin and checks his paws are clean. Satisfied, he carefully collects his rubbish into a neat pile in front of him. Almost immediately, a forty-something female employee who is passing steps in to clear it away with a quiet, efficient politeness. Bear looks down at the woman from his chair. Thank you.

No trouble at all, Sir! she beams, moving away.

You catch more ants with honey, he observes meaningfully.

And bears, I’ll bet.

He laughs quietly to himself. Aye, maybe so. He slaps me gently on the back. Tomorrow will be better, buddy.

Yeah. I stare up at my wise friend.

He checks his watch.

So, you wanna go for a beer?


Indigo

This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2009

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Shaking The Family Tree

My late uncle Jericho Roth was something of a legend in my family. He was involved in big business, politics and Hollywood long before I was born. Some of my more straight-laced relatives say he was more notorious than legendary; the black sheep of the Clan Roth.

I only met him once, and remember him as an magnificent eccentric. I'm told I look like him, but I can't see it myself. A while back, I received some photos from his publicist Delores K when she retired. She wrote:

Indigo, these are of your uncle Jericho. I can't use these in my memoirs; I'd like them to be published. Enjoy them before the Supreme Court or the NSA confiscates them.

It turns out that Uncle was a consultant to American President Nixon back at the start of the seventies. Anyway, here's the photos. They have a few sketchy notes on the back from Delores, which I'll reproduce.

The little fella on the left looks SOOO familiar...Only Nixon could go to China. But only Jericho could talk him into it.

Delores is very vague about this next one, and my poor grasp of American politics doesn't help any. I must look into it.

I hope that's a MaxellJericho proposes a new idea for the White House. Not his best work.

After Nixon left office, Uncle stayed as executive advisor to his successor.

N-I-C-K-S-O-NPresident Ford signing Nixon's pardon. Jericho was on hand to help with legal questions and spelling corrections.

It's amazing what you find when you shake the family tree a little.

Now, you'll have to excuse me. Apparently there's some fellas in black suits and shades here to see me.

Indigo

This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2009