That said, many have commented on my general lack of visibility this week on all of the loading social networks: Twitter, Facebook, Illiterati and BrainFart.
Some folk assumed that I've been devoting my attention to Final Fantasy 13. This is a reasonable assumption, but incorrect.
Some others assumed that I've been totally snowed under at the office, with an immense and seemingly unachievable deadline ahead of me. This has the merit of being generally true, but again is not the reason for my absence.
As ever, the truth is far more interesting.
I've been participating in the finals of the World Hide-and-Seek Championships. Stranger yet, I was facing the trickiest of opponents; my best friend, iDifficult. I mean, I knew we were in opposite sides of the seeding, but what are the odds?
This years contest was thrown into chaos during the semi-final round when 'Difficult's opponent, the former U.N. Secretary General Javier Pérez de Cuéllar, defaulted after he concealed himself inside an industrial meat grinder in Reykjavik. The Peruvian ace had reasoned that the plug-less device was safe, and that nobody was likely to repair it in the near future*.
[* the Icelandic economy being what it is.]
Unfortunately, he was only half right.
The final was, unlike Pérez de Cuéllar, a two-legged affair. I was assigned to seek in the first leg, and hide in the second. Hoping for a quick victory, I'd done my homework, and knew how devious an opponent 'Difficult is. Earlier rounds found him: disguised as a bucket in a janitor's closet in Johannesburg; suspended from a vast kite above Hawaii; and - the best yet - inside a very large jar of mayonnaise in a Bangkok barber shop**.
[** He took a fortnight to find, and needed a lot of showering afterwards.]
The final started early on Monday morning, as we were hoping to beat the traffic.
My search was not going that well until, on Thursday afternoon, I located my pal inside a concrete support on the San Francisco Metro underground railway. As you can imagine, there are a lot of these pillars; it was a long and rather trying morning with the sledgehammer.
In the second leg, I was supremely confident. Yes, three and a half days was a tough target to beat, but I had the perfect hiding place in the Pacific planned, and felt I could hold out there for as long as necessary to claim victory.
Sadly, it was not to be.
'Difficult located me this morning after only thirty seven minutes.
He said something about stinky bubbles.He's not called an evil genius for nothing.
Ah well. There's always next year.
Congratulations to iDifficult on his World Championship victory!
Indigo
This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2010
Ah! I'm sure the whale suit will work much better, Indigo. Good luck for next year's competition. ;)
ReplyDeleteDamn! that was a good hiding place too...
ReplyDeleteI shall look forward to the seeing the New Shark Breed presentation when The Discovery Channel airs this year's SHARK WEEK.
Hey Scott! You know, a couple of months ago, I'd have needed the whale costume. But in my new slimline, sleek-as-a-racing snake form, this seemed ok. Shame about the broccoli vindaloo.
ReplyDeleteHey Eolist! Indeed, Roth's Fliptop Shark will be the belle of the ball. And yes, this one was modelled as a female. No claspers, see? Good grief, can't you tell the difference?
Thanks to you both! Indigo
Mr. Roth, what we are dealing with here is a perfect engine, er... an eating machine. It's really a miracle of evolution. All this machine does is swim and eat and make little sharks and that's all.
ReplyDeleteYour's farted. Such a giveaway.
Next time avoid the Euthanasia Curry House before donning the shark suit. Better luck next year!
ReplyDeleteMagnanimous in defeat... but also a bit whiffy. Ah well, we can always open a window if you get too much!
ReplyDeleteHi Indigo,
ReplyDeleteHow awesome! I've always wanted to participate in the World Hide-and-Seek Championships! I'm sure you'll be victorious next time ;-)
xoxo
This explains much!
ReplyDeleteTo come second place to a man that can disguise himself as a janitors bucket deserve much respect. Well done to you both :)
I've given up hiding from Difficult. Maybe I should try sneaking myself into new hiding places, all my old ones are so well known.
ReplyDeleteHahaha! You make me laugh! Brilliant hiding place though...that pesky idifficult and his evil geniusness. Not fair!
ReplyDeletexoxo
Hey 'Difficult! Man, I got all misty-eyed with your superb soundbite. I have to buy a bigger boat, if only so I can tie it to the land-locked pier in your home town. Bring your pirate hat, I'll bring takeout.
ReplyDeleteHey CatLady! As our local curryhouse advertises: If you think the bottom has fallen out of your world, come to visit the Euthenasia Curry House! After one of our curries, you'll think the world has fallen out of your bottom! Class act, they are.
Hey Matthew! I want that on my tombstone. May I use it if I provide a link to your website underneath?
Hey Ms. Fin! As my old Kamikaze teacher said, "Roth, you must try, try, TRY again!"
Hey Robbie! I'm told that 'Difficult has put himself in strict training already. He was last seen disguised as a donkey Piñata in Tombstone, Arizona.
Hey Madame DeFarge! I'm told Necessity is the Mother of Invention. Hmmm. Maybe try a Vegan restaurant, you'll never find us there.
Hey Kato! He's a tough man to out-think. And that's when there's just one of him; when he's with his army of clones, it's like trying to out-stare a cat.
Thanks one and all! Indigo