Friday, August 31, 2012

* Growling Up The Wrong Tree

This blog entry has been removed, revised and included in the romping sci-fi epic TESTAMENT: FUNNY BADGERS by Indigo Roth, Red Angel Publishing, 2013.

Its reference in the book is BEAR 1:1-53

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Thursday, August 30, 2012

* In A Variety Of Languages

This blog entry has been removed, revised and included in the romping sci-fi epic TESTAMENT: FUNNY BADGERS by Indigo Roth, Red Angel Publishing, 2013.

Its reference in the book is 2 ROTH 3:1-14

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Sunday, August 26, 2012

Both Tidy And Transparent

I take a lot of photos of myself.

No, wait, let me qualify that. I often take photos of myself. *

[ * When I pick up a camera, I have to take a lot, just to find one I like. One that doesn't look like I've been liberated from the circus, put in a suit and photoshopped onto the evolutionary ladder. ]

And I ask you - would you buy a used car from this man?

Indigo Roth Original
I took this one on Friday after getting a haircut. I like it. What's that you say? Am I naked? Of course not! Look, I'm wearing glasses.

As a ragingly-confident guy, my photo habit may come as no surprise to you. But the reason might. True, I like to put pictures of myself into this blog. And true, it's nice to have a current picture of myself to put on dating websites when I can be bothered. Which isn't often.

But actually, it's mostly that I like to record the moment. **

Tomorrow or next week, I'll look much like I do today, but in ten years time, I don't expect that'll be true. I was surprised to discover that I have a fairly complete record of the past three years' blogging. I think that'll mean more to me as time passes.

[ ** And of course, while I'm holding the camera, you can never have enough pictures of badgers. ]

I mentioned all this to Max, and he headed off excitedly, in that slightly worrying and intense way he has. Taking my photo on the pretence of tidying away "a few bags and wrinkles", he did indeed make a photo of me that looks a little fresher and decaffeinated than the original. But, recruiting the freelance sociopath known only as Shine, the pair of them came up with some future views of me too.

And I ask you again, would you buy a used car from any of these men?

Indigo Roth Photoshop
Which brings me, somewhat tidily-if-transparently, to my new web shop. Yes, crumbling to raging demand from both readers and my bank manager, I've published some of my designs onto customisable t-shirts and postcards!

Indigo Roth Tees
The shop, which has astounding t-shirts, clean seaside postcards and a lonely (but magnificent) mug, is here: Indigo Roth on Zazzle

If all goes well, by the time you read this, my Zazzle Panel will be working below. I know, it's a silly name, isn't it? Anyway, fingers crossed!




These might put a pleasant skip in your step on a dull day. Mondays, for a start. Tho I've always been very mistrustful of Tuesdays too.

But this will also help me get my work out there. I've set the royalty to as low as it will go, and kept the designs as simple as I can to make these as affordable as I can.

So yes, I may make a few shekels here and there.

But I promise to donate them all to Domino's.


Indigo

This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2012

Friday, August 24, 2012

* Dreams of Trinity

This blog entry has been removed, revised and included in the romping sci-fi epic TESTAMENT: FUNNY BADGERS by Indigo Roth, Red Angel Publishing, 2013.

Its reference in the book is UNITY 4-10

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Thursday, August 23, 2012

* Interlude: An Equation For String

This blog entry has been removed, revised and included in the romping sci-fi epic TESTAMENT: FUNNY BADGERS by Indigo Roth, Red Angel Publishing, 2013.

Its reference in the book is UNITY 3:1-150

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Wednesday, August 22, 2012

* Elephants Abhor A Vacuum

This blog entry has been removed, revised and included in the romping sci-fi epic TESTAMENT: FUNNY BADGERS by Indigo Roth, Red Angel Publishing, 2013.

Its reference in the book is UNITY 2:1-91

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Tuesday, August 21, 2012

* A Shower Of Gravelly Memories

This blog entry has been removed, revised and included in the romping sci-fi epic TESTAMENT: FUNNY BADGERS by Indigo Roth, Red Angel Publishing, 2013.

Its reference in the book is UNITY 1:1-44

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Sunday, August 19, 2012

* Definitely Inside The Lines

This blog entry has been removed, revised and included in the romping sci-fi epic TESTAMENT: FUNNY BADGERS by Indigo Roth, Red Angel Publishing, 2013.

Its reference in the book is CUTTLEFISH 2:1-121

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Saturday, August 18, 2012

Wrong About The Cat Litter

The waking moments of any day are precious. Indigo?

They are a wonderful blend of reverie and reality. Roth? Rise and shine!

It is in them that the shape of the day is revealed.

HEY FATBOY! WAKEY WAKEY!

My lids open to a close inspection from a pair of golden eyes.

Indigo Roth prepares for kitteh mauling
I'm sorry, did I wake you? purrs the quiet, feminine voice.

I wonder idly if I'm dreaming; my waking moments are unreliable of late. I start to sit up, but the tabby cat has retreated from my face, and is now manoeuvering herself onto my bare chest. The faintest of needles from her small paws silently encourage me to lie still. She settles, upright and imperious, a pleasantly small feline with unusually symmetrical stripes. And a warm tush. There's the faintest scent of gin.

It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Roth, she lies without a trace of irony, or may I call you Indigo? She seems very familiar, but I can't place her, nor her American accent. Michigan? Cleveland? Tho, to be fair, I don't know any talking cats.

Waitaminute. A talking cat? A talking American cat? Ah. The dime drops, and I realise that it's a Minnesotan accent.

Liza Bean Bitey, I presume? Of the Minneapolis Biteys? My mouth feels dry, like I've been chewing cat litter in my sleep. I hope I sound less apprehensive than I feel. And that I'm wrong about the cat litter.

Mmmm,she purrs noncommittally, Pearl said that you were a smart one. For a male of your species, that is. She is of course referring to the Minneapolis blogging legend Pearl *, a friend of mine. And as far as any cat is owned by anyone, Pearl is the owner and - to her eternal frustration - responsible for Liza Bean. This carries quite a price tag on both her patience and finances. I mean, just the tuna alone...

[ *Click this link. You'll thank me; Pearl is a fabulous writer.]

Hey! Ow! Stop that! The claws are a fraction of an inch deeper, begging for my wandering attention. Liza Bean tilts her head with faux empathy at my discomfort.

Apologies. It's a balance thing. You are rather... round.Good manners and insults; she must have gone to an expensive feline Finishing School. Probably Swiss. But, answering the question forming in my mind, she continues. I thought we might have a chat.

Okay. Sure. I clear my throat. So, you're a long way from home. How's that?

Oh, you know how it is. She sighs, bored. The nomadic life of an international musical artist.

You're kidding?! I sound genuinely excited, despite myself, SQUEAK TOY are touring?! The Minnesotan all-cat jazz/blues fusion quartet are a legend in their home town, but I had no idea they were broadening their horizons; leave it to a cat to try and take over the world.

Yes, and our manager insisted that we take in your quaint little island.

Really? Who's your manager?! I hope it's Pearl, and that's she's with them.

Me.She licks a paw smugly, compensating the shift in balance with a faster and more painful grip on the other. And of course, we had to visit Cambridge.

Well, of course, I wince, the history, the architecture...

She stops in mid groom, her paw hanging in mid air. Architecture is for primates. No, there's a goodreason. She sniffs. Part of is that the tour bus broke down. Right outside your house, in fact.

Now, that is a stroke of luck, I say sourly, but wave a vague hand in the direction of the back garden. If you'd like some assistance, we have several badgers on hand who can fix...

Yes, yes, she dismisses gently, I've already had words with them. They were happy to help. It seems there's inexplicable razor thin slashes in some of the engine pipes. Her gaze is momentarily attracted by the wanderings of a fly above my head; her tail flicks playfully, and her voice becomes distant. I have no idea how that could have happened. She turns to face me. Badgers are such competent engineers, don't you think?She phrases this in such a way that the compliment sounds far more like filthy feral creatures. I frown, unhappy with the way this is evolving.

So, did you wake me to ask if you could stay for a few hours?

Again, the tail flicks happily. Not at all, she smiles, your charming lion friend let us in as he was heading out, and your bear has been helping the band set up downstairs. Liza Bean glances at my bedside clock. They should be almost done...

On cue, the amplified sound of a swinging band strikes up, and they launch into a remarkable rendition of Big Noise From Winnetka. Ignatz D. Katz's upright bass work is fast and bright, Hairball's piano is melodic and loose, but Stumpy “Lucky” Strikes on drums is in a world of his own, and plays a striking resemblance to a heyday Gene Krupa.

That's terrific! I gawp, my irritation blown away; I've heard the foursome's breakthrough album, Not A Can Of Worms, but this is something else. You guys are even better live!

And better yet with me on violin. The look is smug. A little too smug, in fact.

Hey Diddle Diddle, The Cat Played A Fiddle...

Ms. Bitey raises an eyebrow, which somehow makes her resemble Death taking a good run up, about to swing his scythe. Excuse me?

So,I say, changing subject, if it's not the tour bus or the rehearsal room, what can you possibly want from me?

The reply is cool, calm, definite.

We're here for the lobster. I frown again, and the commanding cat spells it out in tones I would reserve for a slow child. Your lobster. From Maine. In your fridge.

Lobster?I bluster a little, What makes you think I have lobster?! I'm not sure I'm very convincing. I like lobster. A lot. In fact, to the point that my picture is in circulation on badly-printed cautionary fliers in the crustacean world: pliers, bib, Have You Seen This Man, the works.

Pearl occasionally buys what she laughingly calls "the good shrimp" says Liza Bean, and tells me that one day we'll get "some of the good lobster like Indigo always has". What?! Dammit, that's my dinner; I think fast.

Well, I don't have any right now, so I'm afraid you're out of luck. It's no good, I'm a hopeless liar; she's not buying it. Though obviously, if I did, I'd happily share it with four marvellous musicians. I croak the last of that, feeling myself wilt as the gorgeous golden gaze grows steely.

I assumed that would be your reaction, purrs Liza Bean, so I enlisted some help.

There's a knock at the door, and a moment later it opens to reveal the ever-smiling gaze of Abbey, my next door neighbour. Seeing I'm awake she breezes in barefoot, the smell of sunflowers accompanying her, and tickles an appreciative Liza Bean behind the ears.

Oh, there you are! Are you two making friends?!gushes the lovely blonde. Oh Indy, isn't she a beautiful kitty?! Liza Bean miaows, grinning up at Abbey in a closed-eyed, adorable fashion which is clearly designed to snare unwary owners of albacore tuna.

Lovely?!I rant, exasperated. She's a manipulative little wretch who's only here to steal my food!

My neighbour cooes over Liza Bean, and picks her up. I hiss in pain as the claws come free from my flesh, but the cat yowls louder to cover it. Abbey glances down and scowls at me, as if it's my fault that I'm being assaulted. She kisses the playful moggy's nose as she pops her over her shoulder.

Don't be mean, Indigo. Stroking Ms. Bitey's stripey back, Abbey turns to leave. Now, let's go see if we can find you some cream and some of old Mr. Grumpy's yummy lobster tail from the fridge.Liza Bean does her best Cheshire Cat impression at me from Abbey's shoulder and waves a paw as the pair retreats from my bedroom.

Downstairs, the music is rocking.

Upstairs, I'm bleeding and defeated.

Rolling over, I discover cat litter scattered across my pillow.

Why, I oughta...

I flick it clear, fuming, and try to get back to sleep.


Indigo

This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2012.
Dedicated to Pearl and Liza Bean Bitey (Of the Minneapolis Biteys).

Monday, August 13, 2012

A Treacling Of Badgers

Today is Sunday, and I'm off on Holiday in the morning.

Oh, fine, Vacation if you prefer. Neutrino, neutrano.

Anyway, I've been a bit busy with one thing or another. Today there were badgers and a barrel of treacle. As a result, I haven't quite finished the next episode of The Cephalopocalypse. Nor indeed, have I lined anything else up.

I am a bad, bad man.

But may I recommend as Holiday Reading:

On Monday, please check out the frankly awesome Pearl.
Tuesday? Crazier than a barrel of sticky badgers, Max Tunguska.
For Wednesday, the Dinky Dynamo herself, Eolist Petite.
On Thursday, the eminently-clickable Jayne has something special for ya.
Then it's everyone's Friday favourite, Alpha Nerd Joshua.
And I may be late on Saturday, so please enjoy Max's Bizarre Duck Photos.

No peeking ahead! One per day, or you won't want your dinner.

Need more? Well, everyone in my blogroll is worth checking out. #coward

But while you're off enjoying these folk, think of me in The Foreign.

I'd hate for you to forget me.



Indigo

This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2012

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Testing The Strength Of Gold

After a magnificent two weeks, the London 2012 Olympics finishes tomorrow.

And Team GB, my home team - THE home team - has done well.

28 gold medals, 15 silver, and 19 bronze. A total haul of 62. Our best ever!

This is so good, in fact, that the Royal Mail has painted a number of its iconic red mail boxes gold, to celebrate a local athlete who has won a gold medal. There's several nearby, including one in Bedford to mark Etienne Stott’s Olympic victory with Tim Baillie in the Men’s Canoe Double.

I hunted this one down today, and tested how strong it was.


Pretty damned heroic, eh? No, not me, the mail box!

Congratulations to Team GB!

Now, can I have the stepladder back, please?


Indigo

This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2012

Friday, August 10, 2012

* A Frozen Game Of Patience

This blog entry has been removed, revised and included in the romping sci-fi epic TESTAMENT: FUNNY BADGERS by Indigo Roth, Red Angel Publishing, 2013.

Its reference in the book is DREAMS 7:1-18

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Wednesday, August 08, 2012

* The Lights Dim Momentarily

This blog entry has been removed, revised and included in the romping sci-fi epic TESTAMENT: FUNNY BADGERS by Indigo Roth, Red Angel Publishing, 2013.

Its reference in the book is NUMPTIES 6:1-100

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* And Ten Minutes The Poorer

This blog entry has been removed, revised and included in the romping sci-fi epic TESTAMENT: FUNNY BADGERS by Indigo Roth, Red Angel Publishing, 2013.

Its reference in the book is 3 ROTH 5:1-30

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Monday, August 06, 2012

* When Dreaming in Dolby

This blog entry has been removed, revised and included in the romping sci-fi epic TESTAMENT: FUNNY BADGERS by Indigo Roth, Red Angel Publishing, 2013.

Its reference in the book is ABBEY 3:1-50

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* Receiving A Bad Grade

This blog entry has been removed, revised and included in the romping sci-fi epic TESTAMENT: FUNNY BADGERS by Indigo Roth, Red Angel Publishing, 2013.

Its reference in the book is ABBEY 5:1-97

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Saturday, August 04, 2012

* More Than A Hint Of Pine

This blog entry has been removed, revised and included in the romping sci-fi epic TESTAMENT: FUNNY BADGERS by Indigo Roth, Red Angel Publishing, 2013.

Its reference in the book is SPIES 1:1-108

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Friday, August 03, 2012

* Glacial In Its Glow

This blog entry has been removed, revised and included in the romping sci-fi epic TESTAMENT: FUNNY BADGERS by Indigo Roth, Red Angel Publishing, 2013.

Its reference in the book is ABBEY 1:1-98

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Wednesday, August 01, 2012

* Chaperoned By Needy Fog

This blog entry has been removed, revised and included in the romping sci-fi epic TESTAMENT: FUNNY BADGERS by Indigo Roth, Red Angel Publishing, 2013.

Its reference in the book is iDIFFICULT 5:1-25

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* Early Whispers Of Christmas

This blog entry has been removed, revised and included in the romping sci-fi epic TESTAMENT: FUNNY BADGERS by Indigo Roth, Red Angel Publishing, 2013.

Its reference in the book is CUTTLEFISH 1:1-12

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