Sunday, February 05, 2012

Even Presidents Wipe Out

It is a well known fact that when you take a questionable action, consequences will follow.

Never is this less true than in the field of time travel.

For example, the following were printed in 1903 by the U.S. Postal Service.

Series 1902 No Presidents Roth Difficult Eolist Pearl(Click on it, there's lots of detail)

The 1-cent stamp features my favourite arch-genius and bestest friend before he changed his name. Printed with ebony ink, it proved virtually impossible to locate one of these in a dark room, and many were lost. This hard-to-find philatelic legend will forever be known among hardcore stamp enthusiasts as the Very Black.

The 2-cent stamp bears an unusually-decaffeinated Eolist Petite. Initially these were printed with the blood of her husband, but this practice was short-lived as he kept waking up. Beloved of collectors as the first stamp to ever feature a woman (they didn't get out much), this gem is known fondly as the Tiny Red.

The 5-cent stamp displays the mug of yours truly, just after a bad haircut. A large batch was accidentally printed on sandpaper, giving it the nickname of the Rough Roth. Despite its value being common for long-distance mail, it proved unpopular as nobody wanted to lick it. Still, the colour's nice.

The 9-cent stamp is an unconventional offering, just like its subject, the Minneapolis blogger, Pearl. The multicoloured sheen was a printing error; three-parts ink to one-part gin. This limited the print run of this rarity to a single sheet, most of which were enjoyed with ice and lemon. The Pearly Wonder remains highly sought after and priceless.

How did this happen? It's a long tale, but let's just say that President Teddy Roosevelt was a better president than he was gambler. Or skateboarder.


Indigo

The original 1903 Ulysses Grant 4c stamp can be viewed here
This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2012

Monday, January 23, 2012

Heisenberg Brings The Ketchup

One of the nice things about having cool, smart friends staying over is that you're never short of good conversation and laughs over breakfast.

And another is that, when your fridge is empty on a Sunday morning, your best friend the arch-genius has invented a machine that can conjure that very breakfast out of thin air.

And breakfast has gone deliciously digital.

Binary breakfast, a la Max Tunguska
Ones and zeroes, quantum proteins, fried attractors, Heisenberg ketchup.

Don't ask how he does it, it misses the point. He just can.

And don't ask why he has a new name. Just accept it.

Besides, that story's a whole other adventure.


Indigo

This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2012

Sunday, January 15, 2012

* Flapping Wings Theatrically

This blog entry has been removed, revised and included in the romping sci-fi epic TESTAMENT: FUNNY BADGERS by Indigo Roth, Red Angel Publishing, 2013.

Its reference in the book is iDIFFICULT 3:1-25

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This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2009-2014

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Still Managing It Solo

Good grief, there must be something I'd like for Christmas.

I'm sitting at the writing desk in the drawing room, trying to think of things to put on my letter to Santa. It's rather late to send one, but I'm hoping the big man will cut me some slack as we helped him out last year.

But man, I'm stumped.

Socks? Do I need socks? I expect so, I never seem to have any.

Underpants? Hmmm, probably. These ones are developing a hole at the knee.

I write them down and consider my options.

Belief is a marvellous thing
This is always tricky. As a single guy, if I need something, I tend to go and buy it. I realise that this is usually the excuse I hear married couples give as to why they never buy each other things at Christmas. And I'm managing it solo.

Bravo, Roth, you’re an idiot.

I notice that I've misspelled underpants.

Oh, this is hopeless.

Suddenly, an urgent furore outside draws my attention to the front door of the house. Standing, wondering if it's festive carollers, I instead hear the key turn in the lock, and a colossal growling, singing and roaring enters the house. It's clearly not drunken, just happy.

I reach the hallway as the door bursts inwards.

Roooooth! comes the cheering bellow of voices.

It's a horde of my companions. First comes my best friend iDifficult, bearing a tray of steaming mince pies and coffee. Next comes Bear, ducking under the doorframe with a Christmas tree tucked under one arm. Yavin the badger, a deep coil of glittering Christmas lights round his neck, follows behind. The young badgers Hoth and Sollust then hurry in, lugging a heavy bucket of soil into the room between them, placing it in the corner. Finally, King the resident lion and my beautiful neighbour Abbey stroll in, arm in arm, with bags of decorations in their spare hands.

In less than a minute, the tree is planted, and the sparkling lights (that are somehow lit without power) are draped around it. The young badgers quickly decorate the lower tree with baubles, while Abbey and Bear deal with the upper half. And all the time, a wonderful many-voiced melody fills the room.

Silence falls expectantly, and I glance towards the door.

Dantoo, Yavin's youthful niece, in a sparkly red-and-green Christmas dress, shyly steps into view with Bear's girlfriend Clarice. The little lass is bearing a shiny pair of Christmas bells. I give her my best smile, and she runs over to be picked up.

I move us to the tree, and she carefully places the bells at the top.

Everything looks perfect.

The coffee and mince pies are arranged on the table now, and I notice a crate of what looks like ginger fizz has somehow materialised under the table. Hoth and Sollust busy themselves with a bottle opener, and we all raise a cup.

My lifelong friend steps over to me, and pumps my hand enthusiastically.

Happy Christmas, old boy! he grins, and another cheer goes up.

To all of us, such as we are.

So, this is Christmas.

I return my attention to my Christmas letter to Santa on the desk. I fold it carefully, a lopsided grin on my face, and drop it into the bin by the desk.

I don't need to write a letter.

I have everything I need.



Merry Christmas everyone! Indigo

This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2011

Sunday, December 11, 2011

* Trying Not To Overthink It

This blog entry has been removed, revised and included in the romping sci-fi epic TESTAMENT: FUNNY BADGERS by Indigo Roth, Red Angel Publishing, 2013.

Its reference in the book is 3 ROTH 3:1-12

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This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2009-2014

Sunday, December 04, 2011

* But For Our Olympic Coughing

This blog entry has been removed, revised and included in the romping sci-fi epic TESTAMENT: FUNNY BADGERS by Indigo Roth, Red Angel Publishing, 2013.

Its reference in the book is EOLIST 4:1-90

Paperback and Kindle:
Amazon USAAmazon UKAmazon CanadaAmazon FRAmazon DEAmazon ESAmazon ITAmazon JPAmazon India

Kindle only:
Amazon BrazilAmazon MexicoAmazon Australia


This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2009-2014