As I flick through the news, I notice that some bright spark of a scientist has been upsetting people by pointing out that classical horoscopes are wrong.
His closer examination of the sky reveals conclusively that there's a thirteen zodiac sign - Ophiuchus the Serpent Bearer - and that this means changes to the dates of all the others. Did you see that?
Were I truly interested in my Scorpio heritage and the fact that apparently I'm now a Libra, I might get upset. However, I've been a devout follower of The Elevenfold Zodiac for years. This was cobbled together by myself and iDifficult after a particularly heavy night out. The ale was good and the curry superb. Just when we thought it was all over, the schnapps gave us second wind. And then the curry gave us our third, and we had to evacuate.
When we awoke, we discovered the horoscopic secrets of the universe written in crayon on iDifficult's lounge wall. We considered this an epiphany, and of overriding importance to the world. But that was not accepted as a defence by iDifficult's long-suffering wife, and once again we had to evacuate.
Anyway, to give you a taste, here's today's horoscope.
by Mystic Fred, Week Ending Wed 19 January 2011
By the way, we've still not been forgiven by iDifficult's wife for the crayon on the lounge wall.
Nor for the fireworks.
But that's another story.
This blog entry is protected by copyright © Indigo Roth, 2011